Why Feelings Matter

January 9, 2012 By 4 Comments

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

I’ve heard this quote from Maya Angelou so many times and every time I hear it, it brings a different meaning and a different memory. It’s no big secret. Some people are comfortable openly discussing their feelings and expressing emotion and some people are not. I’m at work! I don’t want to talk about my feelings or emotions! Who cares how I feel or how you feel? I do. I care. And you may too.

Our feelings and our emotions play a big role in how we make decisions, whether we realize it or not. When we say something feels right or feels wrong, we are relying on our intuition to guide us. When we make decisions, we may look at the facts first but when it comes to the heart of the problem or the issue, we rely on our morals and ethics. Even for those who typically make decisions based on logic and reason, often there is also that inner voice telling you what is good or bad, true or false, honest or dishonest. Life is life. Business is business. It is rarely, if ever, made up of simple checks and balances. Sometimes, it’s just plain complicated. As author of Defining Moments, Joseph Badaracco Jr. says, sometimes we’re making decisions between right and right. We all experience these ”defining moments” at one time or another. These moments define who we are. They speak to our personal values and they show the world what we believe in. These moments bring emotions to the forefront and they shape our character.

As Maya Angelou says so well, “people will never forget how you made them feel.” When you think of the people who have played a positive role in your life, have you ever stopped to think exactly why these people made you feel good? Were they trustworthy? Loving? Supportive?  Did they challenge you? Did they bring out the best in you? What have you learned from these experiences that shape who you are and how you treat people? Have you ever gone back to tell someone what a profound impact they had on you? How do you think that made them feel? Has someone ever done that for you? Wow, what a feeling that is!

Howard Gardner wrote a book in 2007 called Five Minds for the Future. He speaks of the disciplinary mind, the synthesizing mind, the creating mind, the respectful mind, and the ethical mind in leadership. If you are interested in learning how to stimulate your brain in a new way, it is a great read. It also speaks to the relationship between emotions, feelings, respect, and ethics. These combined, act as a guide for treating people well and help us when making important decisions.

Hopefully this post made you “feel good” and brought back memories of people who treated you with respect and made you feel good!

With gratitude, Glo

(C) 2012 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

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The value of continuous personal change…

November 5, 2011 By 4 Comments

“One key to successful leadership is continuous personal change. Personal change is a reflection of our inner growth and empowerment.” — Robert E. Quinn

I came across this quote by Robert Quinn and it reminded me of a personal change that I’ve experienced over the last few years as a result of being coached and then becoming a coach.  I’m sharing this story as it may help you too.  This change came from a combination of focused effort and conscious choice.  It relates to the contrast between ruminating and letting go.  It is all about the power of freedom and finding inner peace.    

Like many of us I suspect, I used to spend time ruminating…also known as the worry gene.  Rather than looking back as part of the learning process, I would look back and worry about all sorts of things that I could not change no matter how much energy I put into it.  Then one day a few years ago through my coach training, I did a values exercise that changed my view and opened my eyes to a few things.  For one, I realized that I value freedom.  Freedom has different meaning for each of us but for me it means having inner peace.  Yet, I was worrying.  About what I said, what I did, what I didn’t do or say.  What happens in this situation is that you end up living in the past in many respects.  And when we live in the past, we miss out on such awesome things about the present.  Through coaching, I learned to live and breathe in the present.  This has created space in my life and in my head.  What a true gift. 

Now, I’m not saying that I never worry about anything anymore.  I do.  And I do because I care.  I care deeply about people.  I don’t however, give as much energy to worrying than it deserves.  You see, I think worrying is overrated.  I give my energy to where I live and breathe which is in the present.  I have learned that I can still care about what truly matters and live in the present.  My husband and I have put into practice a new way to think and to live and it’s really working for us.  We have truly learned to “let go” and it is wonderful.  It is absolutely empowering in fact.  The past is used to learn from and that is all.  You want to talk about freedom?  This is freedom.  Not only is it freedom but it is living according to our values and with personal integrity.

This is just one example of how we can change and grow while remaining true to ourselves.  Sometimes we need someone on the outside to help us look inside.  This is the value of great coaching.  Coaching provides us with the support to define and achieve our goals of personal change.

Wishing you a peaceful day.  Glo

(C) 2011 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

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A wonderful weekend read

October 2, 2011 By Leave a Comment

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It must be October.  It is a chilly and overcast Sunday afternoon. The fireplace is on for the first time this season.  Marc is making my favorite soup (mulligatawny).  The dog is snoring away in front of the fire.  And I am reading this most amazing book.  The kind that you can’t put down.  The kind that has you going back to re read a specific passage or jumping ahead to take a quick look at what is in store in the next chapter. 

Ironically, I received Leadership and the New Science by author Margaret J. Wheatley for Christmas last year from our son, Tom.  It has been sitting on my night table ever since, waiting patiently. Waiting for that right moment in time when reading oodles of new journal articles for my research paper would become less urgent.  I had read one chapter of this book last fall during one of the courses in my program, Leadership of Organizational Change.  It was on the list of recommended reading by our Professor, Dr. Jamie Gruman.  I enjoyed that chapter so much, I wanted more…and more I got…

This isn’t a book review.  I simply wanted to share with you a few quotes that have my mind churning with possibility, curiosity and hope.  Not only as a leadership coach, but as a lover of life and people.  If it inspires you to purchase the book and to read further, enjoy…I know I certainly have.

“I find pleasure in letting these new ideas swirl freely inside me. Like clouds, they begin as mist, then take form, then dissipate. Clouds themselves are self-organizing, taking new shape as thunderstorms, hurricanes, or rain fronts depending on changes in their environment. We are capable of similar transformations; new ideas can emerge as powerful insights if we allow them the freedom to self-organize.  And there is much we can learn from clouds.  They are spectacular examples of fluid and responsive systems, structured in ways we never imagined possible: ‘”After all, how do you hold a hundred tons of water in the air with no visible means of support? You build a cloud”‘ (Cole 1985, 38) (Wheatley, 2006, 90).

“In all types of organizations, too many filled with people exhausted, cynical, and burned-out, I have witnessed the incredible levels of energy and passion that can be evoked when leaders or colleagues take the time to recall  people to the meaning of their work.  It only takes a simple but powerful question: ‘”What called you here? What were you dreaming you might accomplish when you first came to work here?”  This question always elicits a deep response because so few of us work for trivial purposes.  Most people come to their organizations with a desire to do something meaningful, to contribute and serve…If we are asked to recall that inner belief, and if we hear our colleagues speak about their own yearnings to make a small difference, we feel new energy for the work and for each other.  The call of meaning is unlike any other, and we would do well to spend more time together listening for the deep wells of purpose that nourish all of us” (Wheatley, 2006, 133).

Hoping these may have resonated with you and possibly elicited thoughts of learning, change and engagement.  Back to my book…last chapter…this time around.

Happy Sunday.

Glo

(c) 2011- True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

Filed Under: Leadership, Life, Making Changes Tagged With: , , , , , ,

“Back to school” has new meaning…

September 25, 2011 By 4 Comments

The term back to school has different meanings for a few of my family members this year.  My niece Jenna (left) is a second year student at The University of Western Ontario commonly known as Western. (Can you tell I just copied the uni name directly from her facebook profile?) Jenna is doing a B.Sc. honours with a specialization in biology also known as she is a science brainiac. I will never forget how excited she was in high school to report dissecting some strange rodent. Gross! What is new for Jenna this year is that she is no longer in residence making university life a completely different experience for her. She is sharing a house with 4 other girls and lovin’ it. Now don’t get me wrong.  Jenna isn’t exactly “slumming” it in London! She and her roomies have created a pretty cool haven for living the good life with a little bit of room for studying. Jenna has been a continuous source of encouragement and inspiration for me during my academic journey. When I was taking Research Methods (insert I failed Grade 9 math), it was Jenna that I reached out to for support.

Next up is my niece Katie (right). Katie is a 30 something first year film loving student at York University in Toronto. She is enrolled in the four year honours program for film studies which also means she watches all of those movies that the general population has never heard of! This has been a big year of change for Katie and the changes aren’t finished. She went to New York and to Europe for the first time, moved in with her boyfriend and most recently gave up her job as an admin to go back to school and pursue her love of film. I secretly wonder if this photo of her looking up at the statue of Napolean in sheer awe is simply a precursor to her new journey with university life!  She too, has been an amazing sense of encouragement and support.  In fact, I believe Katie was the first one to say “you should do a PhD!”

Soooo…speaking of PhD…this is something that is on my mind these days. I must admit that it comes and goes though. Presently I’m doing a research paper towards completion of an M.A. Leadership degree at the University of Guelph. Yup! Even though I was scared to death and I REALLY was, I went back to school in my mid 40′s to pursue a university degree and to enhance my learning as an executive coach. I have never looked back. It has been a very challenging yet rewarding experience. 

Back to the flip flop…Because I am so passionate about my research topic (using executive coaching to increase employee engagement), there are days and fleeting moments when I don’t want it to end. I want to be able to take my topic and the “coaching for engagement” model that I have developed and take it to the next level. But hello! We’re talking about four years here and there are SO many things to consider! Fortunately for me, my amazing husband Marc, is 100% behind me.

While I am contemplating this massive decision and researching what it “truly” means, I also have a new view of back to school. I am a Teaching Assistant to the new cohort in my program for Leadership of Organizational Change. Teaching and the education system seem to run through the veins in my family.  My Mom was our elementary school secretary.  My Dad completed his university degree while working full-time in the military. My sister Anne, is a teacher who completed her teaching degree with two young children in tow.  My sister Deborah, is a teacher who has just experienced her last back to school and is retiring in June 2012 to pursue her love of travel and LEGO (not necessarily in that order!).  And my sister Linda is pursuing her Chefs diploma while juggling a very busy career and family life. 

Along with my sincere love for coaching and genuine desire to see people do what they love, I would be honoured to teach someday and to live a life of continuous learning. I have no idea if I will go further in my studies or if there is a doctor in this house but I do know this. If you have ever thought you might like to go back to school or try anything new for that matter, but were scared for fear of failure. You CAN do it!

If you think your life can’t change in the blink of an eye…think again. We, as humans, are powerful creatures filled with potential and possibilities. We just need to believe it!

Cheers to you and your journey whatever that means to you.

 Glo

Photo credit: Miles Bossons

2011 (C) – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

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Who would you invite?

September 15, 2011 By 8 Comments

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“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” – Oprah Winfrey

Oprah said it well.  Having supportive family, friends and colleagues in our lives can make a major difference in how we perceive our life to be.  Demonstrating support is possible in many ways however it often includes listening, empathy, creating a safe and non-judgemental environment where we feel that what we say is important, and that we are valued.  People who demonstrate these qualities show us that they care, that they are in for the long haul, and that they believe in us.  They are demonstrating leadership.  Limo or bus, it makes no difference because they are along for the journey, not just for the ride.  And life is certainly a journey…

One of the very best ways to gain the support of others is to first offer your support to them, genuinely.  Reach out to them.  This is the amazing thing about humanity.  We, as humans, have the ability to offer support to others through the expression of kind words often left unspoken.  To show gratitude for what they bring to our lives.  And the simplest gesture can change a persons entire outlook for an otherwise average day.  That new outlook can cause a shift leading to new insights and possibilities of what may be. 

This seems most applicable in our personal lives but this is true as well, in our professional lives.  We may be the type to rush around from call to call and meeting to meeting without stopping for a breath let alone to acknowledge who might ride the bus with us.  This holds true for family, friends and colleagues alike.  Who can we count on to be there when we really need them?  And more importantly what might we do or say to show them how very important they are to us?

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You are important to me.  I’ll be waiting at the bus stop for you.  The cool IKEA one of course!  Will you join me?

Cheers, Glo

(C) 2011 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

Filed Under: Leadership, Life Tagged With: , , ,

Sounds and looks like it…it must be leadership!

June 30, 2011 By 8 Comments

Leadership, leaders, leading…the big buzzwords on the street these days.

There is certainly no shortage of literature on leadership.  It seems that everywhere we turn someone is talking or writing about leadership.  Schools, organizations, communities, hospitals, governments…the list goes on and on.  There are as many definitions of what leadership is as there are of what it isn’t.  The media promotes some pretty high flying leaders and often times society buys into it.  Some people view these leaders as extraordinary people working all alone ”at the top” to instigate change.  I don’t really buy that view, sorry.  I’d like to share with you what leadership sounds and looks like to me. 

It looks like this photo of my classmates. We’re not leaders because we’re in a program called M.A. Leadership nor are we leaders because of our professional titles. We are leaders because we’ve created a community to support and encourage one another to grow,  change and stretch a million ways til Sunday. To help one another to look at the big picture when we’re drowning in the details of the moment. To lend an ear and close our mouths. To open our hearts as much when one of us has experienced personal losses as when we’ve experienced personal wins. We’re sounding boards. We set goals. We inspire one another. We’re forward thinking.  We’re all in different places and stages in our lives and our careers.  We create change and we move mountains but we don’t do it alone.  We’re like a flock of geese.  We take turns leading and following.  We are, with all due respect, average Joes… 

You see, leadership is not reserved for a few at the top with the best parking spot.  Leadership is bottom up, top down and everything in between.  Leadership isn’t some mystery.  It’s available to all of us…all of us who want it and are willing to go for it!

What does leadership mean to you?  I’d love to hear from you.

Cheers,  Glo

(c) 2011 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

Filed Under: Leadership, Life, Making Changes Tagged With: , ,

Inspiring leaders to do good

March 28, 2011 By Leave a Comment

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Capitalism in North America is at a turning point and the rate of change that is happening in the world today is a clear reflection of our need to evolve with it.  Stores that offer used goods are opening in droves.  GM closed down Hummer.  Children today look for the recycling boxes before the trash.  Global decisions based on environmental impact and sustainability are increasing exponentially.  We, as human beings, are going back to our values systems.  We are inherently interconnected yet we have often been living our lives disconnected.  The need to “look” and “lead” from within, to question and to define our purpose is at the forefront of becoming who we are.  Life is becoming yet again more meaningful.  We are the architects of our lives.

We are looking for options, multiple choices and win win situations.  But we panic.  We rush around from problem to problem trying to clean up the mess while creating more.  We’ve lost sight of what is important and we all want it back.  It is through deep reflection that we create the needed space for inspiration and it is through inspiration that the choices begin to unfold just like dominos.  The universe is abundant with choice.  We, as humans of the universe, are abundant with choice.  When we view the world and each other in this new and powerful light, we are filled with solutions.  We are replacing problem solving with solutions.  We are replacing fear with hope.  We are replacing chaos with calm.  We are replacing stuck with potentiality.

Leaders have not only the ability, but the innate desire to create sustainable change and find what matters to deepen our existence.  Forging through new pathways in a world whose heart has been closed.  To touch the lives of many with love and compassion while bringing meaning, is to perform open heart surgery in homes, organizations and classrooms in both developed and underdeveloped countries across the Globe.  It is through the simplest forms of opening our hearts and giving that we generate a buzz.  Supporting people to discover their truth and to define their legacy is simply giving them the brush.  Possibilities emerge bringing forth a kaleidoscope of color enabling simple portraits to become grand masterpieces.

What might be some of the ways that Leaders today can use these choices to generate inspiration in all of humanity so that inspiration to “do good” becomes contagious?

Cheers, Glo

(C) 2011 - True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

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