Why Feelings Matter

January 9, 2012 By 4 Comments

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

I’ve heard this quote from Maya Angelou so many times and every time I hear it, it brings a different meaning and a different memory. It’s no big secret. Some people are comfortable openly discussing their feelings and expressing emotion and some people are not. I’m at work! I don’t want to talk about my feelings or emotions! Who cares how I feel or how you feel? I do. I care. And you may too.

Our feelings and our emotions play a big role in how we make decisions, whether we realize it or not. When we say something feels right or feels wrong, we are relying on our intuition to guide us. When we make decisions, we may look at the facts first but when it comes to the heart of the problem or the issue, we rely on our morals and ethics. Even for those who typically make decisions based on logic and reason, often there is also that inner voice telling you what is good or bad, true or false, honest or dishonest. Life is life. Business is business. It is rarely, if ever, made up of simple checks and balances. Sometimes, it’s just plain complicated. As author of Defining Moments, Joseph Badaracco Jr. says, sometimes we’re making decisions between right and right. We all experience these ”defining moments” at one time or another. These moments define who we are. They speak to our personal values and they show the world what we believe in. These moments bring emotions to the forefront and they shape our character.

As Maya Angelou says so well, “people will never forget how you made them feel.” When you think of the people who have played a positive role in your life, have you ever stopped to think exactly why these people made you feel good? Were they trustworthy? Loving? Supportive?  Did they challenge you? Did they bring out the best in you? What have you learned from these experiences that shape who you are and how you treat people? Have you ever gone back to tell someone what a profound impact they had on you? How do you think that made them feel? Has someone ever done that for you? Wow, what a feeling that is!

Howard Gardner wrote a book in 2007 called Five Minds for the Future. He speaks of the disciplinary mind, the synthesizing mind, the creating mind, the respectful mind, and the ethical mind in leadership. If you are interested in learning how to stimulate your brain in a new way, it is a great read. It also speaks to the relationship between emotions, feelings, respect, and ethics. These combined, act as a guide for treating people well and help us when making important decisions.

Hopefully this post made you “feel good” and brought back memories of people who treated you with respect and made you feel good!

With gratitude, Glo

(C) 2012 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

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The value of continuous personal change…

November 5, 2011 By 4 Comments

“One key to successful leadership is continuous personal change. Personal change is a reflection of our inner growth and empowerment.” — Robert E. Quinn

I came across this quote by Robert Quinn and it reminded me of a personal change that I’ve experienced over the last few years as a result of being coached and then becoming a coach.  I’m sharing this story as it may help you too.  This change came from a combination of focused effort and conscious choice.  It relates to the contrast between ruminating and letting go.  It is all about the power of freedom and finding inner peace.    

Like many of us I suspect, I used to spend time ruminating…also known as the worry gene.  Rather than looking back as part of the learning process, I would look back and worry about all sorts of things that I could not change no matter how much energy I put into it.  Then one day a few years ago through my coach training, I did a values exercise that changed my view and opened my eyes to a few things.  For one, I realized that I value freedom.  Freedom has different meaning for each of us but for me it means having inner peace.  Yet, I was worrying.  About what I said, what I did, what I didn’t do or say.  What happens in this situation is that you end up living in the past in many respects.  And when we live in the past, we miss out on such awesome things about the present.  Through coaching, I learned to live and breathe in the present.  This has created space in my life and in my head.  What a true gift. 

Now, I’m not saying that I never worry about anything anymore.  I do.  And I do because I care.  I care deeply about people.  I don’t however, give as much energy to worrying than it deserves.  You see, I think worrying is overrated.  I give my energy to where I live and breathe which is in the present.  I have learned that I can still care about what truly matters and live in the present.  My husband and I have put into practice a new way to think and to live and it’s really working for us.  We have truly learned to “let go” and it is wonderful.  It is absolutely empowering in fact.  The past is used to learn from and that is all.  You want to talk about freedom?  This is freedom.  Not only is it freedom but it is living according to our values and with personal integrity.

This is just one example of how we can change and grow while remaining true to ourselves.  Sometimes we need someone on the outside to help us look inside.  This is the value of great coaching.  Coaching provides us with the support to define and achieve our goals of personal change.

Wishing you a peaceful day.  Glo

(C) 2011 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

Filed Under: Leadership, Life Tagged With: , , , , ,

A wonderful weekend read

October 2, 2011 By Leave a Comment

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It must be October.  It is a chilly and overcast Sunday afternoon. The fireplace is on for the first time this season.  Marc is making my favorite soup (mulligatawny).  The dog is snoring away in front of the fire.  And I am reading this most amazing book.  The kind that you can’t put down.  The kind that has you going back to re read a specific passage or jumping ahead to take a quick look at what is in store in the next chapter. 

Ironically, I received Leadership and the New Science by author Margaret J. Wheatley for Christmas last year from our son, Tom.  It has been sitting on my night table ever since, waiting patiently. Waiting for that right moment in time when reading oodles of new journal articles for my research paper would become less urgent.  I had read one chapter of this book last fall during one of the courses in my program, Leadership of Organizational Change.  It was on the list of recommended reading by our Professor, Dr. Jamie Gruman.  I enjoyed that chapter so much, I wanted more…and more I got…

This isn’t a book review.  I simply wanted to share with you a few quotes that have my mind churning with possibility, curiosity and hope.  Not only as a leadership coach, but as a lover of life and people.  If it inspires you to purchase the book and to read further, enjoy…I know I certainly have.

“I find pleasure in letting these new ideas swirl freely inside me. Like clouds, they begin as mist, then take form, then dissipate. Clouds themselves are self-organizing, taking new shape as thunderstorms, hurricanes, or rain fronts depending on changes in their environment. We are capable of similar transformations; new ideas can emerge as powerful insights if we allow them the freedom to self-organize.  And there is much we can learn from clouds.  They are spectacular examples of fluid and responsive systems, structured in ways we never imagined possible: ‘”After all, how do you hold a hundred tons of water in the air with no visible means of support? You build a cloud”‘ (Cole 1985, 38) (Wheatley, 2006, 90).

“In all types of organizations, too many filled with people exhausted, cynical, and burned-out, I have witnessed the incredible levels of energy and passion that can be evoked when leaders or colleagues take the time to recall  people to the meaning of their work.  It only takes a simple but powerful question: ‘”What called you here? What were you dreaming you might accomplish when you first came to work here?”  This question always elicits a deep response because so few of us work for trivial purposes.  Most people come to their organizations with a desire to do something meaningful, to contribute and serve…If we are asked to recall that inner belief, and if we hear our colleagues speak about their own yearnings to make a small difference, we feel new energy for the work and for each other.  The call of meaning is unlike any other, and we would do well to spend more time together listening for the deep wells of purpose that nourish all of us” (Wheatley, 2006, 133).

Hoping these may have resonated with you and possibly elicited thoughts of learning, change and engagement.  Back to my book…last chapter…this time around.

Happy Sunday.

Glo

(c) 2011- True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

Filed Under: Leadership, Life, Making Changes Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Who would you invite?

September 15, 2011 By 8 Comments

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“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” – Oprah Winfrey

Oprah said it well.  Having supportive family, friends and colleagues in our lives can make a major difference in how we perceive our life to be.  Demonstrating support is possible in many ways however it often includes listening, empathy, creating a safe and non-judgemental environment where we feel that what we say is important, and that we are valued.  People who demonstrate these qualities show us that they care, that they are in for the long haul, and that they believe in us.  They are demonstrating leadership.  Limo or bus, it makes no difference because they are along for the journey, not just for the ride.  And life is certainly a journey…

One of the very best ways to gain the support of others is to first offer your support to them, genuinely.  Reach out to them.  This is the amazing thing about humanity.  We, as humans, have the ability to offer support to others through the expression of kind words often left unspoken.  To show gratitude for what they bring to our lives.  And the simplest gesture can change a persons entire outlook for an otherwise average day.  That new outlook can cause a shift leading to new insights and possibilities of what may be. 

This seems most applicable in our personal lives but this is true as well, in our professional lives.  We may be the type to rush around from call to call and meeting to meeting without stopping for a breath let alone to acknowledge who might ride the bus with us.  This holds true for family, friends and colleagues alike.  Who can we count on to be there when we really need them?  And more importantly what might we do or say to show them how very important they are to us?

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You are important to me.  I’ll be waiting at the bus stop for you.  The cool IKEA one of course!  Will you join me?

Cheers, Glo

(C) 2011 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

Filed Under: Leadership, Life Tagged With: , , ,

Sounds and looks like it…it must be leadership!

June 30, 2011 By 8 Comments

Leadership, leaders, leading…the big buzzwords on the street these days.

There is certainly no shortage of literature on leadership.  It seems that everywhere we turn someone is talking or writing about leadership.  Schools, organizations, communities, hospitals, governments…the list goes on and on.  There are as many definitions of what leadership is as there are of what it isn’t.  The media promotes some pretty high flying leaders and often times society buys into it.  Some people view these leaders as extraordinary people working all alone ”at the top” to instigate change.  I don’t really buy that view, sorry.  I’d like to share with you what leadership sounds and looks like to me. 

It looks like this photo of my classmates. We’re not leaders because we’re in a program called M.A. Leadership nor are we leaders because of our professional titles. We are leaders because we’ve created a community to support and encourage one another to grow,  change and stretch a million ways til Sunday. To help one another to look at the big picture when we’re drowning in the details of the moment. To lend an ear and close our mouths. To open our hearts as much when one of us has experienced personal losses as when we’ve experienced personal wins. We’re sounding boards. We set goals. We inspire one another. We’re forward thinking.  We’re all in different places and stages in our lives and our careers.  We create change and we move mountains but we don’t do it alone.  We’re like a flock of geese.  We take turns leading and following.  We are, with all due respect, average Joes… 

You see, leadership is not reserved for a few at the top with the best parking spot.  Leadership is bottom up, top down and everything in between.  Leadership isn’t some mystery.  It’s available to all of us…all of us who want it and are willing to go for it!

What does leadership mean to you?  I’d love to hear from you.

Cheers,  Glo

(c) 2011 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

Filed Under: Leadership, Life, Making Changes Tagged With: , ,

The Courage to Act

April 29, 2011 By Leave a Comment

In many aspects of our lives both personal and professional, we are faced with situations requiring courage.  Courage to act when needed.  Courage to move on when needed. Courage to step out of our comfort zone and take risks.  Courage to reach out to others.  Courage to say no when we mean no and yes when we mean yes.  Courage to dive in even when the water looks icy cold! 

Having courage isn’t only about taking action.  Depending on the circumstances, sometimes it requires courage to sit back, listen and reflect.  Acting with courage can appear lonely.  Sometimes it is lonely.  Sometimes others will join you.  Having courage does not necessarily make us heroes.  It can however, provide us with a deep and fulfilling sense of satisfaction.  Anyone can do the easy thing but it takes tremendous courage to do the right thing.  If the right thing includes instigating change, we can start by putting our big toe out there.  Everything we have ever learned, we started with taking a first step.  By moving forward, we are moving toward what we believe in.  We are acting with personal integrity.

If you want things to change, you must believe in yourself and your vision.  Ask questions that help to bring clarity.  Be open to learning and discovering.  Request the support of those who are close to you and who believe in you.  Consider working with a Professional Coach.  Discover your inner wisdom and new found strength.  I think you’ll find the water is pretty warm!

“Believe in yourself and all that you are.  Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle” ~ Christian D. Larson

Wishing you continued success in all that you do!

Glo

(c) 2011 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

Filed Under: Coaching Services, Leadership, Life Tagged With: , , ,
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