Developing mindfulness: presence of mind, body, and soul

May 2, 2012 By 6 Comments
The practice of patience guards us against losing our presence of mind. It enables us to remain undisturbed, even when the situation is really difficult. It gives us a certain amount of inner peace, which allows us some self-control, so that we can choose to respond to situations in an appropriate and compassionate manner, rather than being driven by our disturbing emotions. – Dalai Lama
 
After reading this quote by the Dalai Lama on facebook, it triggered the desire to write a post about meditation. Meditation and mindfulness have brought tremendous value to my life. Whenever something has a positively profound effect, I like to share my experience with others. The practice of meditation has been around for a very long time. I think we each have our own visual of what meditation might look like on the outside. Some of them are probably all zen like in some ashram in India or a Buddhist temple. Some, related to nature, water, mountains, and or the sky. Perhaps the posture for seated meditation with fragrant incense or candles burning. Lying on the ground practicing various breathing techniques and creating an awareness of all of your senses. Maybe it’s at the beginning or end of a yoga class. Whatever images you conjure up, you are in essence creating a vision of what it feels like to practice mindfulness. Presence of mind, body, and soul.
 
For those who are keen to be fully aware of the space internally and externally and or for those who are looking for inner peace and a sense of calm, or looking to create a powerful sustainable energy within, I highly recommend giving meditation a try. If you are weirded out or skeptical about the benefits but still curious, try it at home. So many of us in our busy day to day lives, could benefit from this approach to slowing down. Even leaders in organizations, and their direct reports, can benefit from leading and living with mindfulness. In fact, a favorite HBR article which highlights the need to slow down and smell the roses is Slow Down, You Move Too Fast by Tony Schwartz. And a coaching colleague and friend of mine, Adam Kay, is embarking on a PhD with a focus on mindfulness and leadership. So there must be more and more interest on the subject even from a scholarly perspective. A link between mindfulness through yoga practice in entrepreneurs has been referenced in Namaste: What Entrepreneurs Can Learn From Yoga. If you have an interest in losing weight with a focus on mindfulness, I encourage you to visit the website of Marlene Keys and Anna Varriano, partners in Mindful Weight Control . Like everything in life, however, I don’t believe meditation is for everyone but I do believe we can all benefit from slowing down and being more mindful. Interested? Keep reading as I offer some suggestions for resources.
 
There are many resources available today to help us ease into a practice of mindfulness, many of which are low cost and provide us with the flexibility to practice in the comfort of our own home if we wish. As I enjoy the solitude of early morning, I use a DVD by Rodney Yee called A.M. P.M. Meditation which offers short 25 minute meditations. I really like this DVD for a number of reasons. It includes some great breathing techniques, very basic yoga stretches, and has the power to take me away while being fully present. I’ve learned to embrace and expand my reach. This DVD can be purchased online or in person at any Chapters, Indigo or Amazon for under $15.00.
 
All that said, I’ve recently been introduced to a few new resources suggested through friends. One is an app on the iPAD called Mindfulness which although I have yet to try it, comes with many different settings and options and at a very low cost. Another low cost app is MentalWorkout with 5 programs, one being Mindfulness Meditation. Another friend suggested a book called Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation by author Sharon Salzberg. I also came across a very cool resource on facebook called YogaGlo which offers yoga and meditation classes through live streaming. I was initially intrigued by the name because whenever I tell people my name is Glo, they look at me funny. I always have to explain my name is Gloria but I truly prefer Glo. I recall having a good giggle over that one! Anyway, after doing some research on their website, I realized what a terrific concept this was. Glo in this case stands for “Global” enabling participants from around the world to benefit from some world reknown instructors at a nominal cost and without having to leave the comfort of your own home. I also recommend following their page on facebook because they have great tips, articles and blog posts on practicing yoga and mindfulness. I confess that I have yet to try a class but I know I will in time. YogaGlo has a Beginners Center and is located in Santa Monica, CA.
 
Hopefully this blog post has been helpful in creating further awareness of how the practice of meditation and mindfulness can be accessed. Although there are many links to external resources and articles, I believe they will prove useful as you embark on your journey of discovery. If you have any additional suggestions for resources, please drop me a comment. I would love to read about them and share with others.
 
Namaste, Glo
 
(C) 2012 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon
 
 
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Developing Empathy: Your competitive advantage

April 22, 2012 By 4 Comments

Many leaders today indicate that one of their top developmental priorities is to improve communication and engagement. At the heart of successful communication and engagement is empathy, your competitive advantage. Often touted as an “innate ability” to see things through the eyes of another, successful executive coaches would argue otherwise claiming proven success in working with clients to develop this leadership competency. It is however, fully acknowledged that for some individuals, particularly those with autism and individuals with conditions such as that of a psychopath, empathy is hard-wired in the brain and cannot be developed.

Having empathy in written communication provides meaningful insights to ensure the “message sent” is perceived as was intended. In face to face communications, demonstrating empathy is most apparent in how we listen first and then respond. Identifying what is most important to the other person. Empathy often confused with sympathy, is not about feeling sorry for or agreeing with someone. Empathy enables a person to deliver a message whether in written form or face to face knowing that you will get maximum effect because it was written or formulated with the other person’s perspective in mind.

Like any other learned skill, developing empathy requires awareness, attention, and focused commitment that leads to sustainable change. The beauty of this approach to improved communication is that it is relevant for all levels within an organization. From classrooms to boardrooms to relationships in our personal lives, empathy is a valuable tool to have in your toolbox. With a significant increase in today’s global interactions through virtual teams and various platforms such as social media, developing this competitive advantage is key for those who want to succeed in building meaningful relationships.

While the degree to which empathy can be developed may vary from person to person, working with an executive coach and using assessment tools to measure and then develop empathy is a great solution for achieving long term results. There are however, a few simple strategies that you can apply today to test your awareness, place your attention, and demonstrate your focused commitment toward an enhanced level of empathy.

  1. Awareness – Consult someone you trust implicitly to tell you the truth. Explain to them that you are trying to assess your empathetic approach and invite them to play along. Engage in a conversation about something meaningful for 5 minutes. Then write down the 5 key points that you “heard” as being most important to the other person. Read it back to them and ask them to score you using a scale of 1-10. With 1 being lowest in terms of your perception of their view and 10 being highest.
  2. Attention – Find a quiet place that you are able to do some reflective thinking. Now take a close look at the scaling responses received from the previous exercise. Determine what you have learned from them, both individually and collectively. Ask yourself questions such as: Where might you place your attention so that it has a greater impact on your intention? What might you have done differently or thought of differently to have a more empathetic approach? What skills and abilities do you currently have that might help you with being more empathetic? What did you notice about their facial expressions? Did their voice change frequencies or pitch at all when using certain words? What might you have noticed about their body language when speaking? What might you pay closer attention to the next time you are conversing with someone in person? For written communication, ask yourself:  What word or words jump out at you as being repetitive? Why might this message have been framed this way? If I were the writer rather than the receiver, what would I be trying to achieve with this message?
  3. Commitment – Like all change, we need to commit to taking the first step. Make a date with yourself to try out what you’ve learned from this exercise. Take it seriously. Put it in your calendar. Find someone else whom you trust and try this same exercise out on them. Compare your results and continuously look for ways to improve. Question your assumptions and seek feedback from others. If the commitment is there, results will follow.

I’m sure we have all been in situations whereby someone could have benefitted from having used a more empathetic approach. Perhaps, that person was me or you. Empathy is often associated with having good listening skills because we are hearing not only the words that are spoken, but the ones in between too. The ones which are most important to the other person. Put your feet in someone else’s shoes and walk around a bit. Notice a new perspective?

Best wishes for a more empathetic approach!  Glo

(C) 2012 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

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Resilience – The Power of Bouncing Back

March 26, 2012 By 6 Comments

Recently I’ve been reflecting on the personal power that comes with being able to bounce back from adversity and set-backs, also known as resiliency. According to Wikipedia, resilience is known as a process rather than as a trait. Resilience can be developed and in fact a group of researchers (Grant, Curtayne, and Burton, 2009) have identified that coaching itself, as an intervention, creates resilience in individuals. This is due to the process of learning to overcome obstacles and perceived barriers to our growth and replacing them with solutions. Resilience is something coaching clients become masters at.

Last week I watched an interview on Oprah with Ingrid Betancourt, author of Even Silence Has an End: My Six Years of Captivity in the Columbian Jungle, and I was inspired not only by her ability to cope throughout her ordeal, but by her ability to bounce back once captured. There are many examples where the human spirit has masterfully captured this process. Another shining example of this level of resiliency is in Alice Herz Sommer, a 108 year old woman who is a survivor of a Nazi concentration camp whose words to live by are “I know about the bad but I focus on the good.”  If you haven’t seen it, click on this link to watch Alice’s very inspiring 12 minute video interview with Anthony Robbins. Talk about inspiring! While these two women and their life circumstances aren’t exactly everyday stories (fortunately), there is a great deal to learn from them which we can use in our everyday lives.

Through the reading I did for my research paper, I was so fascinated with the individual and the collective elements of psychological capital or PsyCap. Researchers Luthans, Youssef, and Avolio developed PsyCap in 2007, a combination of self-efficacy, optimism, hope, and resilience. Although it is easy to see how each of these elements might influence the other, this post is focused on developing resilience so that we are able to bounce back quicker. The ability to bounce back from set-backs, put your head down and keep going even when faced with bad news or rejection, and focusing our mindset on what really matters is at the core of this post.

Often times when we set out to achieve a particular goal but are faced with multiple roadblocks, or when we receive feedback from others that isn’t what we were hoping for, or we are put in challenging situations that test our ability to survive let alone thrive, we may find it difficult to bounce back. Here are a few things that I do that might help you as well. I’ve tried to add things that are in addition to the other elements of PsyCap. Try all of them or any combination based on the circumstances involved and see what might work for you.  Finally, share what works for you and enables the process of bouncing back.

Growth - View every experience as a “learning” opportunity. Use the past to learn from, not to dwell on. Ask yourself what might I do differently next time to achieve an even better outcome?

Diversify – Advice from my Dad, don’t put all of your eggs into one basket. Focus on multiple opportunities so that if Plan A doesn’t pan out, you have a fall back with Plan B or C…

Chunk down – Take an experience and pull it apart so you can look at it from multiple angles and break it down into smaller steps. Smaller steps may be exactly what you need to dive back in.

Change – Try to be open and flexible to change. Look for one small way in which you might become more open minded. The ability to bounce back is only enhanced by an openness to experience.

Gratitude – Find the good in the situation and give thanks for it. Sometimes this requires making comparisons. I didn’t get this but I did get this, this, and this and they will help me to do this, this, and this so that I can experience even more of this, this, and this.

Mindfulness – Whether you meditate, pray or prefer to sit in a quiet space to observe and reflect, mindfulness is a powerful way to ensure that we are deeply connected and living in the present. Action happens when we are living in the present.

Scale – When faced with difficult situations, it’s often helpful to scale their level of importance using a timeline. Keep things in perspective. How important will this be in a month from now, a year from now and 5 years from now?

Kindness  – It’s so easy to get caught up in the details of the moment, that sometimes we forget to celebrate. Be kind to yourself. Think of a time when you experienced success. Indulge in the moment. Celebrate that feeling knowing that it can happen again and again and again.

 Wishing you much success always,

Glo

(C) 2012 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

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Indelible Moments…

February 25, 2012 By 8 Comments

“We all have indelible moments, memorable occasions that live like video clips in our inner vision for a lifetime and become imprinted into our Being. These memories are enormously important to the warmth and camaraderie we show each other along the journey.” ~ Dr. Marilyn Atkinson from Flow: The Core of Coaching

On Wednesday of this week, I graduated from the University of Guelph with a Master of Arts in Leadership. This was indeed an “indelible moment.” The parchment is pretty awesome and it looks fabulous hanging in my office. But, the parchment is exactly that. It is a symbol that we can achieve what we set out to if we focus and believe in what is possible. The human spirit is truly remarkable with such energy and potential. It is there for the asking…waiting to give us purpose.

This photo of me shaking hands with Alastair Summerlee, President and Vice-Chancellor of the University of Guelph with well known scholar Peter Senge smiling in the background was a moment to be remembered. The memories and waves of emotion  that come with that “indelible moment” however, are far more than a symbol. The memories created are beyond words and so, I’m not sure I will even do them justice but will try. They span across years past and a new understanding of years to come. They include building meaningful relationships with people who offer kindness and encouragement as a source of support. Being part of a community of like minded individuals who have a zest for learning…and for laughing! Learning that it is ok not to know the answer but rather just to trust the process. Learning as well, that often times “it depends” really is the answer. Having a firm belief that being a leader is not reserved for the few at the top but rather it is a choice available to each and every one of us if we so choose.

A heartfelt thank you to the faculty and staff at the University of Guelph and my M.A. Leadership classmates for this incredible journey and “indelible moment.”

If you have an interest in learning more about this life changing program designed for working professionals, I invite you to click on this link. It will change your life!

Glowing with pride and joy, Glo

(C) 2012 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

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Why Feelings Matter

January 9, 2012 By 6 Comments

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

I’ve heard this quote from Maya Angelou so many times and every time I hear it, it brings a different meaning and a different memory. It’s no big secret. Some people are comfortable openly discussing their feelings and expressing emotion and some people are not. I’m at work! I don’t want to talk about my feelings or emotions! Who cares how I feel or how you feel? I do. I care. And you may too.

Our feelings and our emotions play a big role in how we make decisions, whether we realize it or not. When we say something feels right or feels wrong, we are relying on our intuition to guide us. When we make decisions, we may look at the facts first but when it comes to the heart of the problem or the issue, we rely on our morals and ethics. Even for those who typically make decisions based on logic and reason, often there is also that inner voice telling you what is good or bad, true or false, honest or dishonest. Life is life. Business is business. It is rarely, if ever, made up of simple checks and balances. Sometimes, it’s just plain complicated. As author of Defining Moments, Joseph Badaracco Jr. says, sometimes we’re making decisions between right and right. We all experience these ”defining moments” at one time or another. These moments define who we are. They speak to our personal values and they show the world what we believe in. These moments bring emotions to the forefront and they shape our character.

As Maya Angelou says so well, “people will never forget how you made them feel.” When you think of the people who have played a positive role in your life, have you ever stopped to think exactly why these people made you feel good? Were they trustworthy? Loving? Supportive?  Did they challenge you? Did they bring out the best in you? What have you learned from these experiences that shape who you are and how you treat people? Have you ever gone back to tell someone what a profound impact they had on you? How do you think that made them feel? Has someone ever done that for you? Wow, what a feeling that is!

Howard Gardner wrote a book in 2007 called Five Minds for the Future. He speaks of the disciplinary mind, the synthesizing mind, the creating mind, the respectful mind, and the ethical mind in leadership. If you are interested in learning how to stimulate your brain in a new way, it is a great read. It also speaks to the relationship between emotions, feelings, respect, and ethics. These combined, act as a guide for treating people well and help us when making important decisions.

Hopefully this post made you “feel good” and brought back memories of people who treated you with respect and made you feel good!

With gratitude, Glo

(C) 2012 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

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The value of continuous personal change…

November 5, 2011 By 4 Comments

“One key to successful leadership is continuous personal change. Personal change is a reflection of our inner growth and empowerment.” — Robert E. Quinn

 

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I came across this quote by Robert Quinn and it reminded me of a personal change that I’ve experienced over the last few years as a result of being coached and then becoming a coach.  I’m sharing this story as it may help you too.  This change came from a combination of focused effort and conscious choice.  It relates to the contrast between ruminating and letting go.  It is all about the power of freedom and finding inner peace.    

Like many of us I suspect, I used to spend time ruminating…also known as the worry gene.  Rather than looking back as part of the learning process, I would look back and worry about all sorts of things that I could not change no matter how much energy I put into it.  Then one day a few years ago through my coach training, I did a values exercise that changed my view and opened my eyes to a few things.  For one, I realized that I value freedom.  Freedom has different meaning for each of us but for me it means having inner peace.  Yet, I was worrying.  About what I said, what I did, what I didn’t do or say.  What happens in this situation is that you end up living in the past in many respects.  And when we live in the past, we miss out on such awesome things about the present.  Through coaching, I learned to live and breathe in the present.  This has created space in my life and in my head.  What a true gift. 

Now, I’m not saying that I never worry about anything anymore.  I do.  And I do because I care.  I care deeply about people.  I don’t however, give as much energy to worrying than it deserves.  You see, I think worrying is overrated.  I give my energy to where I live and breathe which is in the present.  I have learned that I can still care about what truly matters and live in the present.  My husband and I have put into practice a new way to think and to live and it’s really working for us.  We have truly learned to “let go” and it is wonderful.  It is absolutely empowering in fact.  The past is used to learn from and that is all.  You want to talk about freedom?  This is freedom.  Not only is it freedom but it is living according to our values and with personal integrity.

This is just one example of how we can change and grow while remaining true to ourselves.  Sometimes we need someone on the outside to help us look inside.  This is the value of great coaching.  Coaching provides us with the support to define and achieve our goals of personal change.

Wishing you a peaceful day.  Glo

(C) 2011 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

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A wonderful weekend read

October 2, 2011 By Leave a Comment

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It must be October.  It is a chilly and overcast Sunday afternoon. The fireplace is on for the first time this season.  Marc is making my favorite soup (mulligatawny).  The dog is snoring away in front of the fire.  And I am reading this most amazing book.  The kind that you can’t put down.  The kind that has you going back to re read a specific passage or jumping ahead to take a quick look at what is in store in the next chapter. 

Ironically, I received Leadership and the New Science by author Margaret J. Wheatley for Christmas last year from our son, Tom.  It has been sitting on my night table ever since, waiting patiently. Waiting for that right moment in time when reading oodles of new journal articles for my research paper would become less urgent.  I had read one chapter of this book last fall during one of the courses in my program, Leadership of Organizational Change.  It was on the list of recommended reading by our Professor, Dr. Jamie Gruman.  I enjoyed that chapter so much, I wanted more…and more I got…

This isn’t a book review.  I simply wanted to share with you a few quotes that have my mind churning with possibility, curiosity and hope.  Not only as a leadership coach, but as a lover of life and people.  If it inspires you to purchase the book and to read further, enjoy…I know I certainly have.

“I find pleasure in letting these new ideas swirl freely inside me. Like clouds, they begin as mist, then take form, then dissipate. Clouds themselves are self-organizing, taking new shape as thunderstorms, hurricanes, or rain fronts depending on changes in their environment. We are capable of similar transformations; new ideas can emerge as powerful insights if we allow them the freedom to self-organize.  And there is much we can learn from clouds.  They are spectacular examples of fluid and responsive systems, structured in ways we never imagined possible: ‘”After all, how do you hold a hundred tons of water in the air with no visible means of support? You build a cloud”‘ (Cole 1985, 38) (Wheatley, 2006, 90).

“In all types of organizations, too many filled with people exhausted, cynical, and burned-out, I have witnessed the incredible levels of energy and passion that can be evoked when leaders or colleagues take the time to recall  people to the meaning of their work.  It only takes a simple but powerful question: ‘”What called you here? What were you dreaming you might accomplish when you first came to work here?”  This question always elicits a deep response because so few of us work for trivial purposes.  Most people come to their organizations with a desire to do something meaningful, to contribute and serve…If we are asked to recall that inner belief, and if we hear our colleagues speak about their own yearnings to make a small difference, we feel new energy for the work and for each other.  The call of meaning is unlike any other, and we would do well to spend more time together listening for the deep wells of purpose that nourish all of us” (Wheatley, 2006, 133).

Hoping these may have resonated with you and possibly elicited thoughts of learning, change and engagement.  Back to my book…last chapter…this time around.

Happy Sunday.

Glo

(c) 2011- True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

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Who would you invite?

September 15, 2011 By 8 Comments

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“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” – Oprah Winfrey

Oprah said it well.  Having supportive family, friends and colleagues in our lives can make a major difference in how we perceive our life to be.  Demonstrating support is possible in many ways however it often includes listening, empathy, creating a safe and non-judgemental environment where we feel that what we say is important, and that we are valued.  People who demonstrate these qualities show us that they care, that they are in for the long haul, and that they believe in us.  They are demonstrating leadership.  Limo or bus, it makes no difference because they are along for the journey, not just for the ride.  And life is certainly a journey…

One of the very best ways to gain the support of others is to first offer your support to them, genuinely.  Reach out to them.  This is the amazing thing about humanity.  We, as humans, have the ability to offer support to others through the expression of kind words often left unspoken.  To show gratitude for what they bring to our lives.  And the simplest gesture can change a persons entire outlook for an otherwise average day.  That new outlook can cause a shift leading to new insights and possibilities of what may be. 

This seems most applicable in our personal lives but this is true as well, in our professional lives.  We may be the type to rush around from call to call and meeting to meeting without stopping for a breath let alone to acknowledge who might ride the bus with us.  This holds true for family, friends and colleagues alike.  Who can we count on to be there when we really need them?  And more importantly what might we do or say to show them how very important they are to us?

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You are important to me.  I’ll be waiting at the bus stop for you.  The cool IKEA one of course!  Will you join me?

Cheers, Glo

(C) 2011 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

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Sounds and looks like it…it must be leadership!

June 30, 2011 By 8 Comments

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Leadership, leaders, leading…the big buzzwords on the street these days.

There is certainly no shortage of literature on leadership.  It seems that everywhere we turn someone is talking or writing about leadership.  Schools, organizations, communities, hospitals, governments…the list goes on and on.  There are as many definitions of what leadership is as there are of what it isn’t.  The media promotes some pretty high flying leaders and often times society buys into it.  Some people view these leaders as extraordinary people working all alone ”at the top” to instigate change.  I don’t really buy that view, sorry.  I’d like to share with you what leadership sounds and looks like to me. 

It looks like this photo of my classmates. We’re not leaders because we’re in a program called M.A. Leadership nor are we leaders because of our professional titles. We are leaders because we’ve created a community to support and encourage one another to grow,  change and stretch a million ways til Sunday. To help one another to look at the big picture when we’re drowning in the details of the moment. To lend an ear and close our mouths. To open our hearts as much when one of us has experienced personal losses as when we’ve experienced personal wins. We’re sounding boards. We set goals. We inspire one another. We’re forward thinking.  We’re all in different places and stages in our lives and our careers.  We create change and we move mountains but we don’t do it alone.  We’re like a flock of geese.  We take turns leading and following.  We are, with all due respect, average Joes… 

You see, leadership is not reserved for a few at the top with the best parking spot.  Leadership is bottom up, top down and everything in between.  Leadership isn’t some mystery.  It’s available to all of us…all of us who want it and are willing to go for it!

What does leadership mean to you?  I’d love to hear from you.

Cheers,  Glo

(c) 2011 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

Filed Under: Leadership, Life, Making Changes Tagged With: , ,

The Courage to Act

April 29, 2011 By 2 Comments

In many aspects of our lives both personal and professional, we are faced with situations requiring courage.  Courage to act when needed.  Courage to move on when needed. Courage to step out of our comfort zone and take risks.  Courage to reach out to others.  Courage to say no when we mean no and yes when we mean yes.  Courage to dive in even when the water looks icy cold! 

Having courage isn’t only about taking action.  Depending on the circumstances, sometimes it requires courage to sit back, listen and reflect.  Acting with courage can appear lonely.  Sometimes it is lonely.  Sometimes others will join you.  Having courage does not necessarily make us heroes.  It can however, provide us with a deep and fulfilling sense of satisfaction.  Anyone can do the easy thing but it takes tremendous courage to do the right thing.  If the right thing includes instigating change, we can start by putting our big toe out there.  Everything we have ever learned, we started with taking a first step.  By moving forward, we are moving toward what we believe in.  We are acting with personal integrity.

If you want things to change, you must believe in yourself and your vision.  Ask questions that help to bring clarity.  Be open to learning and discovering.  Request the support of those who are close to you and who believe in you.  Consider working with a Professional Coach.  Discover your inner wisdom and new found strength.  I think you’ll find the water is pretty warm!

“Believe in yourself and all that you are.  Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle” ~ Christian D. Larson

Wishing you continued success in all that you do!

Glo

(c) 2011 – True Bliss Coach Gloria Higdon

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